Princess Sherry's Tale - Chapter 3.2

Unaware that Sherri had intentionally blown a soft breath over the sensitive skin of his neck, his skin pebbled, and it felt to Tol like he had sweat running down his back. Her sweet voice and playful tone, so honeyed up-close, were almost too much for him to handle. Tol closed, pressed his lips tightly, and clenched his jaw, attempting to control himself. 

He was crazier for his sword than he was for women, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have eyes. He could obviously discern whether a woman was attractive or not, but he chose to focus his attention on his training. He strangely had higher standards than others and would rather improve himself than chase after just any woman. 

When he looked at her though, he saw a stunningly beautiful princess who was as close to perfection as he’d ever seen. Even more so now, if that was possible, than when he had first seen her six years ago and almost instantly fell in love.

It was a fresh love then, so new and unanticipated that he’d had no time to prepare, and despite questioning himself, and knowing that nothing could ever come of it, he’d had no choice about his feelings. As the years went by, however, he had pushed those feelings to the very back of his mind and had given up any hope of ever having them reciprocated. But even after that, after accepting his situation, no other woman had ever caught his eye. 

He thought that he’d done rather well considering. There was no need to flounder around with women and doomed or distracting relationships like his fellow colleagues, and the risks of suffering from a broken heart were zero for him. Though it was rare, Tol had heard that there were people who had no s*xual desire, or at least no desire to pursue s*x. He had grown to be comfortable with his life as it was. Concentrating only on his swordsmanship.

Two months ago, however, the rug had been pulled out from underneath him and he had realized that he had deluded himself. It was all just his arrogance. He had mistaken himself for someone who was content with abstinence.

Honestly, he couldn’t remember what kind of words they’d exchanged that day two months ago, but when he bowed before her, trembling inside with the will it took to lock his feeling down deep inside, he had been incapable of not seeing her beauty, of not allowing himself the pleasure exquisite agony of looking at her. 

He remembered his eyes perusing her face, and then, almost of their own volition, moving downward over the slender column of her graceful neck, and the swell of her bre*sts, bre*sts that looked full on her slender form. And before he knew it his eyes had gone lower, to her tiny waist, which he was certain he could span with his large hands. 

The whole process had come over him so naturally, that at the time, Tol had only been half aware of the way his eyes moved over her, over her body, which was much more beautiful than he’d vaguely expected. On top of that, when she smiled so brightly at him that day, as she called him by his nickname Tol, well… frankly, he’d thought that he’d died and gone to Heaven. But soon after, he pulled himself together and took a step back from her, desperately trying to shield himself against the effects of her beautiful form and radiant smile.

Because if this were a dream it would be too painful to awake from it. His having become her escort, however, was not a dream. It had taken him a few days to come to terms with the reality he now faced. He was unable to avoid her now. There was no escaping her.

On top of that, Sherri was normally affectionate to everyone, and she had spoken to him without hesitation even shortly after meeting her. Not only that, but when he was close, she lightly touched his arm or back, creating countless times when his heart trembled in his chest, his hearing faded to a dull roar, and his vision dimmed to anything but her. He couldn’t even remember their conversations during those times, so overwhelmed he was by her touch. 

When she clung to his arm, facing him directly with her large eyes, sparkling with her joy… he felt something that was so crushing, that he felt like he was burning up with fever. 

When he was half-witted like that in her presence, Tol was able to wrestle his control back and regain his senses by recalling what Hans had hinted at the day before Hans left for the capital. 

“Tolcher Begerty, do you know why she is called a princess even though she is the daughter of a marquis?”

“…I know that it’s because of ‘Olivia’ from the Duchy of Randell.”

“Right. At least as long as the name of the empire persists, Olivia is as noble as an empress. That’s why you shouldn’t get caught being too greedy. Even if Miss Sherri is being friendly to you, don’t permit yourself to fantasize about her affections, or dream above your position. Do not vainly misunderstand her kindness.”

Tol hadn’t known how to respond to that, and so with a furrowed brow he just nodded silently.

“From the look in your eyes, I’m guessing that you’re a confident sort. Well, that’s splendid. She’ll need to experience something she can’t easily… pierce.”

It wasn’t like Tol had understood everything Hans had said. But he’d understood most of it and had been convinced. He had taken it for granted that knowing he could never have her would suppress any feeling of desire for her. That he would be able to easily manage his heart. He had taken it for granted until he saw her in front of him. Hans had said the word greedy to him, but Tol swore that he had never had a haughty heart toward Sherri.

But he didn’t know if it was her kindness that made his heart flutter every time he met her in person, or her beauty, or both. Either way, however, despite his best intentions he was imagining beyond his means several times a day.

What Hans had said was right. He was more brazen and shameless than he’d thought himself to be.