The Reason for Marriage - Chapter 8.1

Raina busied herself with the papers in front of her for a few moments before speaking again.

“We – the Bureau, that is – sincerely believe that it is a good thing that King Daniel has ascended to the throne. He is the right person for this troubling era and you’d be hard-pressed to find any one of us who disagreed with that. So, my Queen,” Raina grinned at Iveca, “Although it may have been sudden and unexpected; I want to offer my sincere congratulations on your wedding. Please be happy.”

It was a light greeting with a strangely familiar tone, as though it were given to an old friend.

“Raina,” Iveca lowered her eyes for a moment, then said in a calm tone, “You knew me, didn’t you?”

“Pardon?”

“You knew me at the Bureau of Investigation, right?” Iveca clarified. Raina took her turn to shift her eyes to the floor.

“My Queen, I have already told you that you chose to forget for a reason. I am not in a position to be talking about the things you have forgotten.”

“When I lived in the Count’s estate, I didn’t want to get caught being left-handed, so I tried to write with my right hand, but in reality, it was more comfortable to write with my left hand.”

Raina looked confused for a moment. Iveca blinked, returning her pen to her. Raina took it, and that small act dawned the realisation of what Iveca was talking about.

“In the Bureau of Investigation, I guess I comfortably wrote with my left, right? Or else you wouldn’t have placed the pen in my left hand.”

There was a moment of silence before Iveca continued.

“Please… Can you explain a little about me during my time in the Bureau of Investigation? In those missing four years.”

Raina sighed. She could see the desperation for some sort of answer in Iveca’s eyes, as purple and intense as ever.

“I understand your… desire for more information, my Queen. But I didn’t expect to be caught off guard like this.”

“I…”

“Those days are gone, my Queen. Please understand this,” Raina interrupted.

Iveca bit her lip but said nothing more. Raina looked at her for a moment, then asked in a low voice, “Why are you so obsessed with those days of your life?”

“I’ve never really felt like I belong anywhere. But there… there I felt…” Her voice cracked and trailed off, but Iveca did not cry. It didn’t take anything special for her memories of the Bureau to be fond ones. Where people didn’t avoid eye contact with her, or whisper behind her back just loud enough for her to hear. That was enough for Iveca.

Raina remained silent for a while, examining her new Queen. Dressed in the finery of that ostentatious, royal style the Queen reminded her of a little lost bird, who had fallen from the nest, with no idea how to get to where she felt safe. Raina spoke quietly.

“You are a member of the royal family now. Your past is gone and this is your life now.”

Iveca did not say anything in response. A member of the royal family? No part of her felt like that was the truth, even in this palace. Daniel had told her to work at the Judicial Affair Bureau as normal, married her, and had asked her to provide him with a successor. She couldn’t help but feel like she was further from being a member of the Royal family than anyone else. Anyone else could have been asked, had they been in her position. She knew her life was one of meeting standards. Her old family, the Esselburns, would not accept her if she didn’t meet their standards. The Bureau required grades, aptitude tests, all manner of small and large measures to make sure she was fit for the role. But she felt no sense of belonging to the Royal family yet. It didn’t feel possible to; there had been no test, no way to prove her worth. She was just here.

Looking at Iveca’s rather sullen face, Reina lowered her eyes again.

“When you were still working in the Bureau of Investigation, you were the wisest and the most rational employee with no close second. You received a lot of love from your colleagues because you were competent and reliable,” Raina said, before pausing for a moment, “You chose to erase your memories. So, please believe in that choice.”

Iveca suddenly felt even more lonely. She knew that Raina could have just chosen to tell her she was a normal, ordinary employee. But instead, if she had meant what she said if she did well in the Bureau of Investigation, there was no way she could have – or would have – chosen to have her erased her memory by herself. Whatever had happened must have been bad enough to make her want to lose four years of her life to avoid even coming into contact with it again.

“Raina…”

“My Queen, please don’t be so informal.”

“Is it not my choice to be formal or informal?”

Whatever Raina was thinking of saying, she clamped her mouth shut before she did. Iveca’s expression was dark. Suddenly, Raina realized that Iveca was only forcing her expressions at this point – she hadn’t smiled properly so much as she had been forcing the corners of her mouth to go up.