I Will Surrender My Position as the Empress - Chapter 85
Adelaide’s grip on Lionel’s hand tightened as she shook her head frantically.
“No, give it to me!”
Her face contorted in anguish as the last thread holding her together had snapped. Her trembling hands desperately tried to close the bottle, tears silently spilling over her cheeks. Lionel looked at her with melancholy eyes, her feeble attempts to take the vial from his grasp starkly contrasted with her usual fierce demeanor. Seeing her so broken, his heart felt like it might shatter. He wondered what thoughts had haunted her through the night as she toyed with death.
“Give it to me, please…”
The dam holding back her emotions finally bursts. Unable to bear it any longer, Lionel pulled her into a tight embrace.
Buried in his arms, Adelaide blinked in a daze. The strong embrace and the solid warmth of his chest against her cheek left her mind blank. Any protest that she wasn’t supposed to be here, that he wasn’t her guardian, crumbled into nothing.
“….”
The warmth enveloped her, the firm hold steadied her fragile frame. His gentle hands on her back slowly melted the tension from her neck and shoulders. Adelaide let herself relax, sinking into his embrace. A thought floated hazily in her mind.
‘Oh, I was cold.’
The steady beat of his heart against her chest soothed her. That constant rhythm felt like comfort. Just then, his low voice reached her ear.
“Did you want to die?”
When she didn’t respond, Lionel slowly pulled back to look at her. Adelaide opened her eyes sluggishly, meeting his gaze. It was like a stormy sea at night, the lonely moon above and the turbulent waves below.
“Couldn’t you just return to Gotrov?”
After a long silence, Adelaide finally spoke.
“I can’t go back.”
Then, she revealed the secret that had been choking her like a noose.
“Every time I feel exhausted and hopeless, the demon inside me whispers, ‘If you had let your brother die that day… things wouldn’t be like this.'”
Lionel’s eyes darkened with understanding. Adelaide lowered her gaze, stepping away from him and collapsing into a chair. After confessing what she had kept hidden for so long, a wave of fatigue washed over her. She was about to tell him to leave, not wanting him to see her so weak when he knelt before her. Before her surprised mind could react, he spoke, his eyes filled with nothing but her.
“Then why couldn’t you die?”
Why, despite toying with death all night, couldn’t she let herself go?
“You couldn’t bring yourself to die here, could you?”
“……”
“Mrs. Giggs, who stood guard outside the door, Brunhild Alexa, who provided the evidence, and the people you left behind in your homeland… you must have thought of them.”
‘And did I not cross your mind?’ Lionel couldn’t voice the unspoken question, his words trailing off. His deep blue eyes shimmered, tears finally breaking free. Adelaide stared blankly at the gem-like tears falling from his eyes. Lionel swallowed his rising emotions and spoke slowly, deliberately.
“If you were so willing to throw away your life…”
“……”
The dark blue sea within his eyes churned violently, waves crashing and overturning until they finally touched the edge of the moon they thought they’d never reach.
“Would you give your life to me?”
The sea swallowed the moon.
＊ ＊ ＊
At dawn, Lionel wasn’t the only one who entered the palace. Through a side gate usually reserved for servants, an old woman, completely out of place in the grand royal setting, slipped in. Lorraine carefully led her through the deserted corridors to the Ivory Palace.
“Quickly, this way.”
“Oh dear…”
The hunched old woman sighed, moving as fast as she could under Lorraine’s urging. With Diane having sent all her maids out of the palace, the sound of their footsteps echoed loudly in the empty halls. Diane, who had been anxiously waiting inside, rushed to greet the old woman as soon as she heard them approaching. Though not a formally trained doctor, the old woman was a midwife with decades of experience. She didn’t need advanced medical knowledge to understand what she saw. Her sharp eyes scrutinized Diane’s condition, while Diane nervously swallowed hard, her teeth chattering uncontrollably.
After a thorough examination, the old woman straightened her back and exhaled sharply. Diane, lying on the bed, immediately sat up and asked urgently,
“Tell me, why am I bleeding? Is the baby alright?”
Her voice trembled with fear. The old woman, who had seen everything in her long career, gave a curt, unceremonious reply.
“It’s not bleeding.”
“Not bleeding? What do you mean?”
“It’s your monthly period.”
“……”
Diane was struck speechless, her mind going blank. As the realization hit her, she felt faint, her vision whitening. Nearly collapsing, she was steadied by the old woman’s wrinkled hand on her shoulder. The midwife, having anticipated this reaction, remained calm. Diane, now pale and desperate, clutched the old woman’s arm.
“My period? But I was pregnant!”
The old woman gave her a bitter look and delivered the harsh reality with a cold, professional detachment.
“Your body was so desperate to have a child that it tricked itself.”
“Don’t lie! How can my body trick itself? I even felt the baby move!”
The old woman simply stared at Diane without a word. She had seen women so eager for a child that they convinced themselves they were pregnant, even to the point of their bellies swelling. But no amount of delusion could create a child where there was none. When the old woman quietly stood up to leave, Diane grabbed her with a panicked expression.
“Where are you going? You’ve done nothing for me!”
Shaking her head slightly, the old woman replied, “There’s nothing more I can do.”
Diane felt a wave of despair wash over her. With trembling hands, she clung to the old woman’s arm, pleading.
“Check again. There must be a mistake. There has to be a baby inside me. Please, look again!”
At that moment, the door burst open with a loud bang. Both the old woman and Diane turned towards the noise, startled.
“Brother…”
It was Lennox who had stormed into the room, his eyes wide with fury. The old woman, sensing danger, tried to slip away, but Lennox grabbed her arm roughly.
“Ah, oh dear!”
He glared at Diane, his voice cold and menacing as he asked, “What? No baby?”
Diane opened her mouth to protest, but no sound came out. Lennox’s bloodshot eyes bore into her as she stood there, trembling. He then turned his wrathful gaze on the old woman. Frightened, she bowed her head.
“She’s not pregnant?”
“…”
“Answer me!”
Under Lennox’s fierce demand, the old woman stammered, “She… she’s having her monthly period…”
“No! That’s not true!” Diane’s voice was a desperate cry, but Lennox ignored her, pressing the old woman further.
“Her period?”
“I… I believe she was mistaken…”
“Mistaken? She mistook a pregnancy?”
“Sometimes it happens…”
“You idiot!!!”
“Please, spare me…”
The terrified old woman begged through her tears, but Lennox’s fury showed no signs of abating. He felt as if his blood had drained to his feet, leaving him cold and on the verge of madness. He had rushed here to deliver the joyous news of the Empress’s deposition, only to be met with this shocking revelation. Panic hit him like a tidal wave. He quickly composed himself and fixed the old woman with a cold, calculating gaze.
“Can you stake your life on this diagnosis?!”
“Whether it’s a period or not, it’s unusual for a pregnant woman to bleed…”
“So you’re saying, either way, there is no baby in her womb?”
“Y-yes…”
“No baby.”
He repeated his question for confirmation, and the old woman trembled as she answered, “Yes… Please, spare me…”
After a moment, Lennox released her. The old woman looked up at him in shock as he leaned in close, locking eyes with her and whispering, “Get out.”
The sudden command sent her scrambling from the room in a panic. Lennox watched her leave before exiting the room himself. Diane, overwhelmed by the ordeal, collapsed onto the bed. Moments later, Lennox returned, his anger still simmering as he confronted her.
“What? Mistaken? Mistaken?!”
“No, it’s not…”
“Not what?! Why did you call a midwife instead of one of the many palace physicians? You must have known something was wrong!”
“It’s not true!!!”
Enraged, Lennox unleashed a torrent of abuse on his sister. He accused her of being the only stain on his life, saying she had never been of any help to him and even bringing up their parents’ deaths.
“If it weren’t for you!!!!”
Already exhausted and distraught, Diane covered her ears and pulled the blanket over her head, trying to block out his cruel words.
“Don’t even think about calling the palace physicians. Stay hidden as if you’re dead.”
Lennox barked at Diane, who was hiding under the blanket, before storming out of the Ivory Palace. He discreetly sought out another midwife and brought her to the palace. Ignoring Diane’s frantic protests, he had her examined again. The result was the same.
“It was just a mistake… What a fool…”
Muttering in frustration, Lennox left the palace and summoned one of his trusted errand runners, who handled his more clandestine tasks. Handing over two slips of paper with addresses written on them, he issued his orders.
“Take care of the midwives at these addresses quietly. Also, get a fake pregnancy belly. And about five months from now, I’ll need a newborn boy, so start looking around orphanages and such.”
He couldn’t afford to let go of this slim thread of hope, even if it was an illusion. Lennox’s pale blue eyes gleamed with a dangerous light as he plotted his next moves.
