I Will Surrender My Position as the Empress - Chapter 83
he decision regarding the Empress was swiftly made. With the discreet reason of “evening refusal” and her admission, the Empress’s fate was sealed. Failing to fulfill her duties as Empress, it was inevitable that all her positions in Echmont were revoked. Yet, she was not branded a criminal. Out of respect for the princess from another land, the court allowed her to remain in the Empress’s palace in Gottrov where she had resided for so long. However, it was made clear that she would be treated as a guest. Adele walked through the darkness, feeling neither the gaze of others nor the chilly breeze brushing her cheek. She simply walked and walked. Her ears felt muffled as if submerged underwater. Her whole body ached and felt heavy, as if a large balloon were lodged in her chest, leaving no room to breathe.
“Sigh…”
She took a long, deep breath. Despite her discomfort, she tried to inhale again, exhaling with visible puffs of breath. Several breaths later, she found herself at the Empress’s palace. The once vibrant palace felt desolate as if acknowledging its lost mistress. Lady Giggs, hurrying, opened the door and ushered Adele inside. Silently, she accompanied Adele, quickly lighting the bedroom lamps and boiling warm water.
“Your Majesty…”
Lady Giggs caught herself after habitually addressing Adele, biting her lip before turning to face her slowly.
“…Adele.”
Adele stood numbly, staring at the bed. Lady Giggs took a deep breath and approached her. She cautiously took Adele’s hand.
“I’ll bring you some comfortable clothes. Please change and rest in bed.”
Adele hesitated, staring at Lady Giggs’s hand holding hers, then slowly lifted her head to meet her gaze. Lady Giggs’s expression remained composed, her eyes calm. Grateful for her quiet presence, Adele gazed into the elderly lady’s eyes, which seemed as serene as a frozen wilderness. As Adele’s stoic gaze persisted, tears began to fill Lady Giggs’s eyes.
“…Please don’t cry, Lady.”
Lady Giggs looked at Adele with widened eyes, then hugged her tightly, her voice trembling.
“Why are you standing here like this…?”
Adele blinked at her, still in her embrace, and finally spoke frankly.
“I just don’t know where to sit.”
With nowhere to belong in this vast space, Adele accepted Lady Giggs’s comforting embrace without pushing her away. How long had they stood like that? Footsteps hurried outside, then someone knocked on the door. Lady Giggs, releasing Adele, quickly approached and cautiously opened it. Elizabeth stood there. Lady Giggs quietly exited, leaving the two alone in the room. Seeing Adele standing alone in the middle of the room, Elizabeth felt a pang in her chest—the events spanning hundreds of pages in Gottrovflashed before her eyes. Elizabeth stepped closer to Adele.
“…Grand Duchess.”
With a choked voice, Elizabeth took a deep breath and asked.
“Have you truly resigned yourself to this?”
“If only you had insisted on delaying the trial somehow, or if there had been another way. Why did you just…”
Adele laughed unbelievably, a bitter smile playing on her lips. Elizabeth was left speechless, taken aback by Adele’s unexpected reaction. After a moment of silence, Adele spoke.
“I didn’t want to anymore. I’m sorry.”
Elizabeth choked on Adele’s apology. Adele retrieved a thick stack of documents from the safe and placed it in Elizabeth’s arms.
“These are the documents I promised for tomorrow morning. They should serve as evidence for what we discussed. Please verify their authenticity. Once confirmed, the Duke of Despone won’t spare internal whistleblowers.”
Elizabeth’s hands trembled as she held the documents. Adele wasn’t just a former acquaintance or a mere noblewoman. Despite this, Elizabeth felt Adele’s existence as Adelaide mattered more. More than the documents she held, it was Adeleaide’s presence that weighed heavily on her. Elizabeth stared at Adelaide for a long while before finally managing to ask.
“What did you mean by not wanting to do this anymore?”
Adele met Elizabeth’s violet eyes with a whispered response.
“It became too heavy… I just wanted to put it down.”
Her answer felt like a confession, and Princess Elizabeth understood her intention.
“You devoted yourself so much to our country. Why did you willingly take such a lonely path?”
Adele fell silent at Elizabeth’s question. After a long pause, she answered.
“It was my final dedication. It was also my apology.”
What remained for her after this? What was her dedication even for? Elizabeth finally looked at Adelaide with a pained expression, her brow furrowing in anguish.
“Do you… have you ever lived for yourself, even a fragment of your life?”
Adelaide, who once claimed herself more important than anything else, could not bring herself to answer Elizabeth’s question. She simply stared blankly, watching Elizabeth cry for her in silence.
****
After Elizabeth left, Adele changed out of her glamorous dress into something simpler. Despite the deepening night, she seemed not to intend to lie down in bed.
“Please rest a little,” the concerned lady offered, looking at Adele with worry.
“Forget about my concerns. Just go and rest,” Adele replied.
“They say the envoy bound for Gottrov has departed,” the lady continued.
Adele’s heart sank at her words. She turned her head away and closed her eyes. The faces of those she had left behind flashed through her mind like a procession of ghosts: Lucio staring at her with a twisted expression, and… her mother. Returning as an exile to her homeland… The pain in her head intensified, and a chill ran down her spine.
Just then, a frantic knock echoed, and a maid burst into the room. Lady Giggs, angered by the intrusion, glared at the maid with fiery eyes. Helplessly, the maid spoke urgently to Lady Giggs.
The emperor has arrived now!”
“Adele, the emperor?”
Adele’s eyes flew open at the maid’s words. Before she or Lady. Giggs could react, the door burst open. The maid stepped aside in fear, and Lady. Giggs placed herself protectively in front of Adele, her jaw set with determination. The emperor stormed in, his eyes burning with anger.
“Move.”
“Even if she’s been dethroned, she’s still the Princess of Gottlov, Your Majesty!” Lady. Giggs declared, standing firm.
The emperor halted, glaring at her. “Since when are you a Gottrov noble? Out of my way, Hannah Giggs.”
“Even if you’re the Emperor, you can’t act like this.”
He let out an exasperated sigh and turned to the trembling maid in the corner. “You. Take Hannah Giggs out.”
The maid’s eyes widened, but she quickly regained her composure and approached Lady. Giggs. “Ma’am…”
Lady. Giggs stood her ground, her icy glare fixed on the emperor, but the maid’s gentle tugging eventually moved her.
“Your Majesty, you can’t do this!” she shouted, but the emperor ignored her. His gaze was now locked on Adele, who stubbornly stared out the window. As the door closed, Karl took a hesitant step towards her.
“Adelaide.”
His voice quivered with emotion. “Adelaide.”
At the sound of her name, a surge of defiance rose in Adele’s chest. She turned, her eyes blazing. “Don’t call my name.”
Karl flinched at her hostility but approached her, his steps faltering. He knelt before her, desperation etched on his face. “Why did it come to this?”
Adele turned away again, refusing to look at him.
“Please, look at me.”
“… … .”
Despite his pleas, she remained resolute. Tears filled Karl’s eyes, and he forgot his imperial stature. His heart felt as if it were being torn apart. He realized, belatedly, that from the moment he first saw her, he had been captivated. The desire to possess her had been love all along, overshadowed by his past. But by the time he understood, it was too late. Just as a flood cannot be stopped, his emotions overwhelm him.
“I love you.”
Adele’s eyes widened. Slowly, she turned to face Karl, who knelt before her, tears streaming down his face.
“What?”
“I love you.”
Adele’s eyes hardened into icy steel.
“Love?”
Could love be this repulsive? Karl clutched at the hem of her skirt, desperation seeping from his every pore. He said the words he never should have uttered.
“I’m doing this because I love you, because I want to keep you by my side.”
Adele’s face twisted in fury. She yanked her skirt away and shouted, “Is that love?”
“… … .”
“Stop talking about love!”
She stepped back, and Karl rose to his feet, his face contorted with anguish. “I regret and reflect on the past when I insulted and hurt you. But I often spoke my heart to you and reached out to you! You were the one who rejected all my offers! You, Adelaide, were the one who made me do this!”
Adele looked at him, her expression weary and disillusioned. “Really? Are you telling me to be nothing more than a decoration on your quill, to breathe and sit on the throne as your empress?”
“… … .”
She shook her head, brushing her hair back, her eyes distant as she gazed out the window. She took a deep breath and said, “I acknowledge that I have not fulfilled my duties as empress, and I have accepted the abdication. There is no longer any reason for me to speak to Your Majesty, so please leave.”
Her resolute tone ignited Karl’s fury. It was as if all his unrequited love was somehow her fault. “Do you think you can bear the humiliation of being dethroned?”
She remained silent, and his eyes blazed with frustration. This woman never relinquished her pride. Even as he, the emperor, knelt and confessed his love.
“You can’t stand it. You’re not the type of person who can endure this.”
Karl was certain that Adele would rather die than suffer this humiliation. So he spoke, each word deliberate. “I will give you time to think it over. If you promise to fulfill your duties as empress, I will revoke your dethronement.”
***
Time marched silently towards night, indifferent and unyielding. After Karl left, Adele sat there, enduring the relentless passage of time. She dismissed Lady. Giggs, her shoulders slumped, barely catching her breath. She was so tired. As she reflected on her life, Elizabeth’s words echoed in her mind.
“… Life for me…”
Adele looked down at her calloused hands. These hands, rough from work, seemed incongruous for a princess. “That was life for me too.”
If she could go back in time, she would make the same choices and live the same life. No regrets. She leaned back in her chair, weary to the bone. Though she was strategizing on how to overcome this crisis, she wanted nothing more than to let everything go.
“Love… love.”
Adele laughed bitterly, recalling Karl’s words. How could such ugly selfishness be called love?
‘Whatever you do, I will protect you.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘What do you like?’
Why, at this moment, did his affectionate voice come to mind? Why did his dark blue eyes, softened with warmth, haunt her thoughts? Why did Elizabeth’s question about her own life resonate so deeply? Curling up in pain, Adele muttered, “Yes… It was worthy of being dethroned. My heart…”
She had always fought fiercely. Sometimes she won, sometimes she retreated. But now, she was too tired to think about her next move. Rising from her seat, Adele retrieved a small box from the safe. Inside were two small vials, as thick as an adult’s finger. The great Gottrov general always carried poison and had said, ‘Vanity of vanities! From vanity, we are born, and to vanity, we return, so that even in death we have nothing to lose.’
“… Is that so? Even in death, there is nothing to lose…”
Adele sat with the vials on the table, lost in the abyss of her thoughts until the pale dawn began to break. It was then that he appeared.
