I Will Surrender My Position as the Empress - Chapter 67
As Adele’s expression turned icy, Karl lifted his torso a bit, leaning in closer, and whispered again.
“Lionel Baldr, did you entrust your secrets to him?”
“……”
Adele’s lips curled up slightly. What should she say in response? As she quietly observed Karl’s ruby-red lips, Adele smiled slyly and replied.
“Why do you want to know?”
Karl was at a loss for words at Adele’s smile.
“We agreed not to take an interest in each other’s lovers, didn’t we?”
He had no idea his words would hit such a nerve. But what did it matter? Karl leaned in a bit closer to Adele and whispered.
“Diane, I’ll send her out of the palace. Isn’t that what you want?”
Adele suppressed a scoff at the despicable remark. She held her breath, feeling his scent mingling with hers. An impulse to push him away surged within her. It was truly an ironic agony. Was there a worse hell than hating someone close to you?
“I… have no interest in His Majesty’s affairs. Do as you wish, whether you send her away or keep her by your side.”
If he thought I’d be swayed by such a thing, he was mistaken.
“If you want my heart,”
Adele stood up from her chair and looked down at Karl.
“This night, unexpectedly showing up like this without any notice or manners, you should learn who I am, what I like, such things.”
“What it is that you want.”
A shiver ran down Karl’s spine at Adele’s question. Adele took a deep breath, emphasizing each word.
“I’ve said it so many times, to the point of boredom. And I can’t live like a feather on a pen.”
She felt a sharp rebuke, like being stabbed with a dagger. It reminded her of when she opposed her mother in Gottrov, but there was no way out. Adele would never tolerate it. She did not wait for someone else to give her what she wanted; she seized it for herself.
“Empress Your Highness!”
The wave of titles she created seemed to crash into her ears like a tidal wave.
“Leave. You seem very tired now.”
So the Emperor couldn’t bring himself to forcibly pressure Adele. Because she would never allow it.
****
Meanwhile, at a similar time, Lionel’s butler knocked on the door of his chamber. Lionel, who had been resting on his plush bed, rose when he heard the knock.
“What is it?” he asked as the butler entered.
“The Duke wishes to see you briefly, would that be alright?” the butler inquired softly, scanning Lionel’s face.
Lionel nodded lightly, accepting the coat handed to him by the butler. “He said he’ll be waiting in the study.”
With the coat draped over his shoulders, Lionel strode down the dim corridor. The butler followed him, cautiously breaking the silence.
“A few days ago, Her Grace visited the Grand Duke,” the butler said, causing Lionel’s steps to falter.
“The Grand Duchess?” Lionel repeated.
“Yes. Her Grace seemed troubled since the Grand Duke’s visit,” the butler continued.
“I see…” Lionel nodded subtly before resuming his pace. The image of Elizabeth at the palace entrance flashed in his mind. She smiled at him as she always did.
“Minister, it’s been a while!” her voice echoed in his mind. It had been barely a year since Elizabeth graced Baldr Manor with her presence, but even after she left, many at the manor longed for her. When Theseus was tormented by the Emperor and Duke Despone, Elizabeth unleashed criticism that he couldn’t voice. Theseus just silently watched his wife, but Lionel realized at some point that Theseus had come to love Elizabeth. Lost in thought, he found himself at the entrance to the study. The butler opened the door politely, and a familiar voice greeted him from inside.
“Come on in,” Theseus, leaning back on the sofa, welcomed his brother with a light smile.
“Brother.”
“Seems unnecessary to call someone who should be resting.”
“Then why did you call me?”
“Just felt like it.”
Theseus chuckled lightly as the brothers sat facing each other after a long time. Theseus handed Lionel a glass and asked casually,
“Isn’t it tough being the Empress’s aide?”
Lionel accepted the glass and glanced at his brother.
“It’s manageable.”
“I noticed earlier that all the knights seem to be favorably disposed towards the Empress.”
“Thanks to Her Majesty, the casualties have been minimal.”
“What kind of person is the Empress when seen up close?”
Lionel lowered his gaze for a moment, lost in thought before responding with a voice tinged with amusement.
“She’s clear about her principles. She holds beliefs opposite to Duke Despone’s regarding the Tower.”
Theseus nodded slowly before continuing.
“The Grand Duke has decided to be the pivot. He plans to meet with the Empress tomorrow. Soon, with the Empress and the Grand Duke at the helm, a faction will form. Then, when the time is right, resign from your position as aide. Both of us and the Empress will have achieved our goals.”
Theseus’s words pierced Lionel’s chest like a sudden dagger.
“…”
Though he should have readily agreed, Lionel couldn’t find his voice. Unable to articulate a response, he simply nodded, but his younger brother’s gaze turned stern and unyielding. Unlike the Empress who smiled at the crowd, Lionel’s smile, directed solely at the Empress, flashed in his mind. Leaning closer to his brother, Theseus spoke again, his voice deep and solemn.
“Resign from your position as aide, Lionel.”
“…”
The brothers locked eyes. Seeing the concern and worry in Theseus’s eyes, Lionel couldn’t bring himself to meet his brother’s gaze, lowering his head and taking a deep breath.
“Lionel, come here.” Adele’s sweet voice keeps in his head.
Amid the raging storm, stood a solitary figure, strong yet fragile like a straight tree. Behind the proud smile lay a face that silently wept with infinite tenderness. An aide. A position akin to drifting ice in the polar black sea. A shallow relationship that could turn into nothing if one turned their back. Yet, that was the only bond that could tie him to her. Hence, Lionel couldn’t easily agree.
…Embracing a heart that should not be embraced.
Lionel looked up with trembling eyes at the chilling voice above him, gazing at his brother with a sense of dismay.
It felt as if sinking into the deep and cold black sea. Breathing became labored, the chest constricted as if collapsing inward, and the ears felt stuffed as if filled with water. His expression froze, as if frost settled on his face, rendering it impossible to blink. Theseus looked at Lionel, who remained stiff and silent, with reproachful eyes. How could he harbor feelings that could only turn into poison when embraced? Yet, gradually, the corners of his eyes softened. Just as even a raincoat gets wet in a drizzle, how could one prevent getting soaked in a fierce storm of rain and wind? Theseus let out a long, heavy sigh and refilled the glass.
“You’re getting hurt. Being the Empress’s aide is indeed part of her government. But do you not know well enough how words that harbor unrequited affection manifest, just like what they said?!”
Lionel forced a light smile and shook his head.
“It’s a misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding?”
“Yes.”
Theseus slammed the glass down with a sound at Lionel’s excuse, glaring at his brother. His heart ached to see his brother, disguised under an ordinary face, suppressing his emotions.
“Hidden feelings somehow find their way out and show themselves. Do you remember how your face looked just now?!”
“…”
“You were looking at her as if she were the only light in your world, even if it meant she was the Empress. You might not have realized it, but that’s how it was.”
The forced smile vanished from Lionel’s face, leaving it blank as he stared into space. Theseus felt disheartened seeing his brother lost in thought, gazing into emptiness like a lost soul. How did even his brother succumb to harboring a heartache-ridden sentiment? Fate was indeed cruel. In the oppressive darkness, a deathly silence settled between the two. After a moment, it was Theseus who broke the silence.
“Does the Empress know of your feelings?”
Lionel raised his gaze to meet Theseus’s eyes. His expression was so dark, that even Theseus seemed to shiver. Lionel silently pondered Adele’s figure.
“Why aren’t you answering?!”
“…I don’t know.”
“What?”
“I don’t… I don’t know what this feeling is, brother.”
Theseus sighed heavily after a brief moment of being tongue-tied.
“…If you don’t know what that feeling is, then forget it. It doesn’t matter what it is. Just bury it. Before it’s too late.”
****
A little while later, back in his room, Lionel leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. It felt as if a chill as cold as lead clung to his body. In that fleeting moment, had his emotions flowed so vulnerably that even his brother could perceive them? Lionel felt utterly powerless, like someone who didn’t know what to do. Theseus had firmly stated that if he couldn’t control his emotions, he should step down from his position as an aide. Stepping back would cool his emotions, Theseus said. Yes, his brother’s words were right. But…
Lionel stormed out of the room and walked quickly. Before he knew it, he was running. Eventually, he found himself standing in front of the door where he had vowed never to open it with such feelings again. He gripped the doorknob tightly and tried to steady his rough breathing.
“Does the Empress know of your feelings?”
For the first time, Lionel began to carefully examine his feelings. He peeled away the blurry veil he had been trying to ignore, lifting his head in front of emotions that pulsed like a heartbeat. Admiration, respect, reverence… Was that truly all? Memories took him back to that day. Inside the dim stable, she had looked up at him so vulnerably from within his arms. A transparent and straight forehead, delicately arched eyebrows, eyes as intense as the sun, and a slender nose leading to a soft and plump lower lip. Surely touching her would be soft, embracing her would be sweet. If our breaths intertwined, could my heart also be shared?
“Ah…”
Lionel groaned against the door. How foolish he must seem. The color of his pulsating desire was so vivid beyond that blurry veil, how could he have thought that ignoring it would make it go away? Admiration, respect, reverence? Thinking he could hide the throbbing desire with just those words was ridiculous. Lionel opened the door. The pale moonlight washed over the family room where she had shared time with him. As he took a deep breath, it seemed as if her ever-present scent lingered in the air. Admiration, respect, reverence? Lionel chuckled wistfully and lowered his head. This was love. He dared to harbor feelings for her. It went beyond just harboring; it was reaching out to touch, it was dreaming. Having finally admitted his true feelings after lifting the veil, Lionel took slow steps into the pale room.
“Does the Empress know of your feelings?”
And recalling Theseus’s question, he slowly raised his head.
“You are the Minister of Defense, and I am the Empress of this nation. Though to others, it may seem like an honorless and meaningless relationship we maintain, at the very least, let us respect each other’s honor, that’s what I’m saying right now.”
Did she perhaps notice his feelings on that day? Was that why she spoke those words? Lionel’s face contorted sadly. So, even if he revealed his true feelings to her, what could he do? He tightly shut his eyes, forcibly suppressing his boiling heart, and calmly pondered. Theseus had advised him to step down from his position as aide. But Lionel didn’t want to. This relationship would only end when she uttered the word “end.” He wanted to cling to this relationship somehow. Even when he blamed himself for not obeying the aide’s advice, the thought of immediately resigning from his position didn’t cross his mind. So now, it didn’t matter how it ended. He wouldn’t ruin this heavy sincerity by revealing it and destroying the relationship. She was the Empress, and he was the aide. How would he alleviate this boiling heart while maintaining this relationship?
“Rielle, love consists of 40% understanding, 40% patience, and 20% compassion. Ultimately, it means understanding and accepting. When you meet someone you love, cherish what they value, and try to share what they like.”
Recalling his late mother’s words, he slowly recollected Adele. What does she like? What does she want? What does she value? As he thought about it, Lionel realized that he didn’t know her well. Slowly, he approached the window. The man’s face reflected in the blue window was sadly contorted. Yet, he turned away, pretending not to notice his face, and looked at the moon. Tonight, the moonlight, unusually bright, felt somehow melancholic.
